


the technical approach

by kyaku



Category: Fantastic Four (2015)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drunken Shenanigans, Johnny And Victor Being Terrible Exes, Kissing, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Reed Being Oblivious, Seriously I Never Want To Write This Many Consecutive Kiss Scenes Ever Again, So much kissing, Team Bad Decisions, This Is The Most Self-Indulgent Thing I've Ever Made
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 08:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6745975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaku/pseuds/kyaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You're making this about sexy math.” Johnny lets out a groan. “You're making this about sexy math and <i>I'm still into it.</i> Why.” </p><p>--</p><p>AU. On the night of the quantum gate's success, Victor makes a different bad decision. Technically speaking, he makes two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the technical approach

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fate-motif (Jo_Girard)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jo_Girard/gifts).



> WHAT'S BETTER THAN THIS. GUYS BEING DUDES
> 
> also: everybody in this fic is Mad Drunk but they're all into what's happening, they have all made the conscious decision to get involved with this Mess and it's alright
> 
> in regards to Sexy Content this is mostly just copious amounts of kissing, although johnny and victor did what they could to cement this M rating because that is how they Are
> 
> might edit this some later on but right now I just want it out of my house

Victor isn't sure what's more pathetic: that Reed's drunk enough to try cracking jokes, or that Johnny's drunk enough to actually laugh at them.

They've been at this for a while now, tossing the flask back and forth, trying their best to drown out their disappointment. Victor's disgusted. Briefly, he imagines getting up from where he's slouched against the wall and saying something that would spur the three of them into taking action. Then Victor remembers that doing that would require effort, so he goes for plan B instead and slides down further, until he's halfway lying on the floor.

“No, listen.” Reed scoots his chair forward with the all the surety of a man with a breakthrough. “Listen. We're all technically kissing right now.”

“Oh, really.” Johnny raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah, really. It's a,” Reed grasps for the word. “Transitive thing. My mouth-” he gestures, like they've forgotten what it looks like, “-to the flask-” the object in question sloshes in his other hand, “-to your mouth,” he points. He leans back, proud. “And that's kissing. You know. _Technically_.”

From the floor, Victor rolls his eyes.

“Huh,” Johnny ponders. Then, “Why settle for technically?”

And he hauls Reed in by a fistful of his shirt.

The kiss starts out like a joke, their grins crushed together. Then it softens, becomes something less so. Reed's laughter against Johnny's mouth trails off into a hum. In retrospect, Victor's going to recognize this for what it is, the point of no return, where the whole scene suddenly shifted – but right now, all Victor's thinking is _I'm not drunk enough to deal with this._ But Reed, distracted as he is, still has Victor's flask in one hand. Victor could just go take it from him. But again, that would require moving, and honestly, he'd really rather _not_.

So Victor waits. Very patiently, he might add. He just sits there, while all the while Johnny kisses Reed like he's daring Reed to push him away. He watches them long enough to wonder if he _should_ be watching, before concluding that it's their fault, since they're the ones putting on a show. Still, he clears his throat. Johnny flips him off without missing a beat, winding his other hand into Reed's hair. Victor does it again more obnoxiously and Reed makes a startled sound, like he'd forgotten Victor was still in the room with them. He extricates himself enough to throw the flask back to Victor, but Johnny just kisses at his jaw instead, working down to his neck. Reed _giggles_. Victor debates the merits of just throwing up.

At least Victor has the flask now. Small mercies. He tilts it back to his lips, inwardly groaning at how light it feels, but then Reed's idiotic hypothesis pops back into his head, and that's it. Reed Richards has managed to ruin drinking for him. Is nothing sacred?

Maybe Victor should've seen this coming. He's already lost all control over the quantum gate's future. Having to watch Johnny and Reed go at it is just the cherry on top of a relentlessly terrible day. Really, he's having a _fantastic_ time, lying here on the floor while Johnny does his damnedest to stick his tongue down Reed's throat. It's a match made in heaven. They're both idiots, after all.

Victor glances up to see that the action's stopped. Reed and Johnny are staring at him.

“Wow, Squidward,” Johnny drawls. “Tell us how you really feel.”

It's just Victor's luck that he'd wind up saying most of that out loud. Reed laughs a beat too late, because of course he does, and he exchanges a look with Johnny. Before Victor can really process it, they're moving over to where he's lying on the floor and settling down, one on either side of him.

Victor finally gets the words out. “ _What are you doing._ ”

Johnny shoots him an innocent look. “You sounded lonely.” The universe is a cruel joke.

Objectively Victor knows he could just get up and move somewhere else. He debates it, even. But he doesn't _want_ to move. He was here first. _They_ should move.

Reed, unaware as usual, just nestles up against Victor's left shoulder. Victor tries to subtly shove him into the wall in response, but fails. If anything, Reed's gotten closer.“You know what's cool?”

Victor pointedly refuses to answer, but Johnny humors him. “What's cool?”

“This is.” Reed shifts in place, making himself more comfortable. “I mean, getting to hang out with you guys like this. I know it's only happening because the gate's being taken away from us, but still. It's a lot better than being alone.”

A silence follows. Leave it to Reed to wake up the elephant in the room.

Johnny, to his marginal credit, realizes the situation. “You know what's not cool?” Reed lifts his head, curious. “Your kissing skills, man. Very eighth grade.”

The tension breaks, and Reed splutters. “I'm not- they're not _that_ bad.”

“Hate to break it to you, but they kind of are.”

“They're _fine_!” Reed struggles upright, craning his head to look Johnny in the eye. From his place between them, Victor can't tell whether Reed's flushed from embarrassment or just exertion.

“Really.” Johnny raises his eyebrows. “ _Really_.”

“I'm perfectly acceptable!”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“No. No, you know what?” Reed's hand lands unexpectedly on Victor's jawline. “Would a bad kisser do _this_?”

Victor doesn't even get a chance to react before Reed's leaning down and pressing his mouth to Victor's. In the moment of blankness that follows, he manages to reflect on how Johnny's actually right about something for once. Reed has a lot of room for improvement. For instance, the angle of approach is awful. If Reed was on his knees, or better yet, in Victor's lap, and if his enthusiasm was better redirected...but then Reed breaks away and Victor returns to his senses, because _what was that_.

Reed looks borderline triumphant. “Well?”

“Terrible. Just terrible.” Reed's face falls, and Johnny just shakes his head. “Piece of advice – no self-respecting good kisser wastes kisses on the likes of _him._ ”

Reed's expression shifts to his usual confusion. “Why wouldn't they?”

“C'mon, Mr. Darcy.” Johnny stares at Victor hard. “Tell him why.”

Victor finally regains his voice. “So are you supposed to be the good kisser in this scenario?”

“See? That's why.”

Reed's brow wrinkles. “Wait, you guys were together?”

Victor says “Absolutely not” at the same time Johnny goes “Psssh, _no_.”

A single ill-advised one night stand does not a relationship make. Even if it _was_ followed by two or three others of its kind. Victor thinks he's done a pretty good job of closing the door on that unfortunate chapter of his life. Not that Johnny hadn't tried to open it again and get the last word in, but Victor had kept his wits about him, and eventually Johnny had to give up.

By complete coincidence, that was about the same time when Johnny stopped calling him “Victor.”

Meanwhile, Reed finds a shred of self-awareness. “I guess I'm not really equipped to tell what makes somebody a good kisser or not. People don't usually kiss me,” he clarifies. In Victor's opinion, that much is obvious.

“That's...really sad, man.” With that, Johnny sits up a little more, beckoning Reed forward. “We're fixing it. Let me educate you.”

It takes some coaxing, but then Reed's leaning in too until the pair of them are bridged over Victor, giving him a front row seat to their entertainment. Johnny keeps one eye on Victor even as he's licking into Reed's mouth, and it's just typical, the way he looks for fights, where he keeps pushing and pushing until something finally gives way. Reed just happens to be the instrument of choice this time. At least, that's what Victor thinks, until Johnny's eyes flicker shut and his attention goes wholly back to Reed-

-and then Reed breaks the kiss, gasping for breath, and he pulls away. “Should we be doing this?”

Johnny smirks. “Probably not, but that's never stopped me before.”

“No, I mean – isn't it kind of weird? If you and Victor used to be together-”

This time, Johnny's “We weren't” arrives alongside Victor's “That never happened.”

“It's not weird,” Johnny says. “Definitely not weird. See, look.” Now it's Johnny leaning over him, bracing a hand on Victor's chest, until he's pressing a no-frills kiss to Victor's lips with all the passion of a business transaction. Victor hates it.

Johnny's fishing for a reaction. A shove, a punch, an outpouring of vitriol. And Victor has a longstanding policy of never giving Johnny what he wants. He hooks an arm over Johnny's shoulder instead, quick enough that Johnny doesn't see it coming, and drags him into place long enough for Victor to start kissing back. Johnny jolts in response, fingers scrabbling at Victor's shirt as he loses his balance, then he steadies himself, fisting the fabric in his hand, yanking at it until his fingertips are brushing just beneath Victor's collarbone. It's been a long time since Victor last kissed Johnny, but it's easy to fall back into the old habit.

Victor's hand runs from head to neck to shoulder, forcing Johnny closer, but Johnny only shifts in position until he's braced on hands and knees over Victor, maintaining control. Victor's hand migrates to Johnny's hip in retaliation, holding him steady, before Victor draws his thigh up between Johnny's legs and _rubs_. The sound he wrings out of Johnny at that could almost be his name.

“You know, you guys are kind of the same person sometimes.”

Reed's voice intrudes and they split apart immediately. Johnny recoils back to his original place, while Victor jerks his hands away like he's been burned. Reed's relocated to a kneeling position, apparently to better observe them. Victor takes a moment to admire the subtle swelling of Johnny's lower lip.

“I kissed you back!” Outrage overlays Johnny's brief embarrassment. “I kissed you back _a lot_ and this is how you repay me?! By comparing me to _him_?! He just sat there!”

Loathsome as the comparison is to begin with, Victor isn't about to take that lying down. So he sits up, blinking away the motion-induced dizziness. “Reed, come here.”

Confusion floods Reed's face. Victor suppresses the urge to groan and tries again. “Reed. Come _here_.”

Slowly, with an agonizing amount of cautiousness, Reed barely settles into Victor's lap. “Should I, um. Is it really okay, if I-” His eyes dart from Johnny to Victor and back again.

“Ignore him.” Victor reaches to tilt Reed's chin towards him, and Reed shivers. “Kiss me.”

This time, when Reed leans in, he's careful, almost shy. His obvious nervousness doesn't do his inexperience any favors, but he's far from hopeless. There's potential here, it just needs to be brought out. Victor thinks of it as a two-birds-one-stone scenario, showing up Johnny and educating Reed in one fell swoop. Three birds, if he factors in how this isn't wholly unpleasant for him, either.

Seconds later, Reed pulls away, looking like he's about to apologize. Victor doesn't let him. Instead, Victor kisses him again, slower, letting Reed pick up the nuances of it before moving deeper. Running a hand down Reed's back, he feels the tension bleeding out as some of Reed's earlier courage returns. Still, it's obvious that Reed's afraid to push his luck – he keeps his hands still, not daring to touch Victor any more than he has to. But then Victor's fingers find Reed's belt loops and Reed's pulled flush against him, uncommonly close, and that's enough to bring the last of Reed's hesitation to its knees.

“Oh, _fuck you_ ,” Johnny breaks in.

Well. Apparently Reed isn't the only one enjoying what's happening right now. For a given measure of “enjoying,” anyway.

“Seriously, fuck you,” Johnny continues. “And don't even – if you put on your fucking genius hat and start talking about _double entendres_ I might actually have to kill you – but if you think I'm just going to sit here and watch while you two just – when I could be _touching_ -”

“Reed,” Victor says, enjoying the way Reed snaps to attention against him. Next time they're in the lab, he really has to make use of how much Reed likes being ordered around. “Tell him about transitive relations again.”

“Transitive relations,” Reed repeats. “Transitive relations. It, well. If A equals B and B equals-” and then his breath hitches as Victor teases at a spot on his neck. Really, it's enough to flatter anyone, how badly Reed wants this.

Even ignoring how Johnny's frustration gets compounded by the minute, Victor's got all the incentives he needs to take this slow. “Real-world applications, Reed.”

“Oh,” Reed realizes. “If...if I kissed you, and Johnny kissed me-” A swallowed whimper as one of Victor's new explorations succeeds. “-then you're kissing Johnny. Technically.”

“You're making this about sexy math.” Johnny lets out a groan. “You're making this about sexy math and _I'm still into it_. Why.”

“You could be more into it.” Victor looks up from his machinations to find Reed addressing Johnny. “Like, you could also be over here. Doing things. With us.” He looks back to Victor. “That's okay, right? I mean, I feel like it's already kind of happening, but if it's not...”

A devious grin creeps across Johnny's face. “So, Casanova. What's it gonna be?”

In retrospect, Victor's going to recognize this as the point where he lost his head completely. But for the moment? He's bored, he's drunk, he's pissed off, the last time he had sex was _months_ ago, and Reed and Johnny, all things considered, aren't the worst people he could pick.

None of them are going to remember this tomorrow anyway, himself included. Victor figures that the universe owes him a little fun.

 

\--

 

The next morning finds Victor in his own bed with a throbbing headache, a mouth that tastes like hell, and the thought that things can't possibly get any worse. Only when he tries to move do three other discoveries present themselves:

One: he's lost most of his original clothes.

Two: Reed and Johnny, as far as he can tell from where they're draped over him, are in a similar state of undress.

Three: Reed and Johnny are in his apartment, _on his bed_ , and among other things, that means they now know where he lives.

Conclusion: Victor drops his aching head back onto the mattress and thinks that _now_ , things can't possibly get any worse.

That is, of course, the point where he remembers everything.

Victor closes his eyes and prays for a quick death.

**Author's Note:**

> first: can we just have a prayer circle or a moment of silence or Something for the fact that it has been like 8 months since I arrived in this city and ben has yet to kiss reed in any of my fics, meanwhile victor and johnny just kissed reed All Over this fic without even trying, where's the justice in that
> 
> second: this fic is a gift for the glorious citizen jo fate-motif because a) I'm pretty sure she's the one who infected me with this ship and b) she has basically coached me through the entire process of writing this fic, up to and including providing johnny's Victor Nicknames because I am not equipped to write that business on my own. I hope you like this heap of Sin, friend
> 
> third: yes, I know, it's been like a month since I said I would be back soon. we're working on it. exit wounds part 4 is well underway for post #1000 and after that I will be able to come home again. until then please enjoy the Nonsense that is threeway AU. 
> 
> four: johnny has definitely seen at least 3/4ths of pride and prejudice while channel surfing, which is plenty of material to be making well-crafted references with
> 
> five: this fic is too long and why is that
> 
> (join me at kyakuuu dot tumblr dot com)


End file.
